Empty

Sometimes, I just feel so empty. I feel like there’s nothing in this world that could make me feel something again. I can’t feel sorrow, or joy, or excitement. It’s like I’m dead. It’s like I’ve become a zombie, but I’m still breathing and I still eat human food and my heart is still beating and my brain is still functioning, but I just can’t feel. I can feel pain well enough, which is funny, because even though that’s really the only thing I can feel, I don’t feel the motivation to hurt myself. So I just feel empty. Like there’s a hole inside me and anything that might cause a reaction just gets sucked in. It’s like a black hole, like the ones you find in outer space. The ones that when something goes in, it never comes back out again and it’s bottomless and nobody knows what happens inside it.

 

When I feel dead, I can’t sense the time. It goes so fast, yet goes so slow, and nothing ever seems to happen. Everything feels monotonous. I used to see in colours. Vivid colours that paint my feelings into events and I remember them in those colours. Except now, I see in greys and blackws and sometimes white. Everything’s grey and black and white. No, not even black and white; just grey. Just plain, colourless grey like the flesh of those zombies that I resemble. Fitting, huh? But I just wish I could feel again…