She is a girl who hurts inside.

She’s thin air.

She’s a wisp of a spirit tied to a rotting shell of a body.

She’s nothing.

She’s glass.

She’s made of Prince Rupert drops that have been shattered a million times but still try to hold their shape.

She’s delicate.

She’s darkness.

She’s a black hole of negativity, slowing growing larger with every sadness despair loneliness that she absorbs, slowly coming closer to her own collapse.

She’s self destructive.

She’s fear.

She’s made of it, made of little wisps of worry and anxiety, nothing else in her skeleton but grief and terror.

She’s so scared.

She’s a time bomb.

She’s ticking towards zero, rewinding herself when she can, but sometimes (all the time) she doesn’t want to.

She’s ready to burst.

She’s agony.

She’s pain and nothing else, all her sensors and neurons geared to only feel the sharpdullsearing ache in her heart and soul and body

She’s suffering.

She is a girl who hurts inside.

She thinks that no one cares about her and that she doesn’t deserve to live another day, another hour, another minute another second another blink—

She’s scared to die. But sometimes, she thinks she’s even more scared to live.

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I want…

I want someone to look at me with all my horrible flaws and say that it’s alright, I’ll always love you. I want someone to see all the hurt in my mind, in my heart and say it’s alright, I’ll take care of you. I want someone to listen to me, whether they understand or not, and then hug me and say they’ll always be there for me. I don’t want to suffer alone anymore, collapsed against the side of my bed, crying in irregular intervals as I try to breath through my congested nose and then crying even more because of how pitiful I seem. I don’t want to keep it all bottled up until I ruin the milk-white skin of my arms and maybe my legs because it’s been kept inside that tiny, fragile bottle for too long and that bottle finally grew too heavy and dropped and broke. I don’t want a Pandora’s box inside, destroying me little by little, until I’m completely ruined and broken and I’ve shattered into a zillion little grimy glass shards that no one could or would ever want to touch.

 

I want a lot of things, but the ones that I really, truly want, I won’t ever get……..