Tick Tock

This is something I wrote in response to this prompt. Hope you enjoy it.

tick tock

When I’m out with my closest friends, just a few of us, when I’m with the people who I can be myself, I don’t want that moment to end. That moment. The picture perfect moment when we’re all smiling and laughing at a subtle joke one of us has made, and our genuine grins stretch wide across our faces and the sound of laughter tinkles in the air like Christmas bells; I don’t want it to end. I don’t want to stop smiling, I don’t want to stop laughing, I don’t want to go home and reminiscence in the memory that will one day fade and nothing but a vague blur of colours and the impression of smiles will remain. I don’t want to move on to the next day and relinquish my happiness to the cold frontiers of mere aquaintences at school, where I can’t smile forar of showing ugly teeth, or laugh for fear of sounding disgusting, or voice out a sarcastic joke that every so often passes through my mind for fear of not being heard and feeling like the idiot that I fear I am.

tick tock

So I can only watch helplessly as the seconds tick into minutes, and minutes tock into hours, and hours merge to form the completion of the day that I never wanted to end.



My response to this prompt

When I look in the mirror, I wish I could change myself just as easily as I change my clothes. I wish I could reach out, with a pencil and eraser, and just correct all the imperfections that mar the image reflected back at me. I wish I could correct my own face as easily as I would a pencil drawing, to move and manipulate the lines that make up me to my satisfaction. I wish I could redraw my nose, and erase the darkness off my eyebrows. I wish I could thicken my lips with the red pencil crayon, and enlarge my eyes with sweeping pen strokes. I wish I could correct my jawline, rounding the edges and making it less square. I wish I could colour my hair a shiny black, glowing dark red under the light. I wish I could repaint the strands, render them silky and smooth. I wish I could remake myself as I see fit.

When I look in the mirror, I wish I could see the real me. I wish I could see the me that swears at everyone who pisses me off. I wish I could see the me that matches up to my mind, not the childish thing that I act out to be. I wish I could see the pain inside, so I would know that others can see it too, and might realize that I’m not okay; that I need somebody. I wish I could see the me that could make sarcastic remarks on the spot, make a joke that has everyone laughing, make people like me for me, and not for the fake that I pretend to be.

When I look into the mirror, I wish I could see another me. I wish I could see the me with my chin up high, spine lined up straight, shoulders rolled back, and an air of confidence about me. I wish I could see the me with a pretty face, a beautiful body, and a witty mind. I wish I could see the me with many friends, the me that everyone would love. I wish I could see the me with no flaws, with no shyness and no irrevocable need to shy away from contact with others. I wish I could see me as someone else but me, anyone else but me.